Saturday, December 08, 2007

Posts I Almost Wrote

You, the loyal lapdogs of the internet, forever checking blogs in the vain hope that some new free content might materialize on this, your fortieth refresh, may have noticed I haven't updated in something like six weeks. There's a fairly simple explanation for this - I'm a sucker and I got one of those "day jobs" everyone's been clamoring on about, so my formerly epic amount of free time has been replaced by endless Metro commutes and hours of selling toys to shameless consumers.

That said, while I haven't actually written anything in over a month, I've almost written a few things. They lay half-constructed in my head, shoddily sort-of-written silently to myself over the course of my long walk workward, uphill in the snow both ways, the way granddad liked it.

These are those things.

Comic Characters as Professional Wrestlers: Vaguely sketched out one Wednesday in a conversation with Devon. Gist was basically the above - if a wrestler was a superhero, which one would he be? I think we got as far as "Batman = Triple H," and "Orpheus = Shelton Benjamin," based on the former's utter dominance over everyone and everything in his particular environs and the latter's couple of quick victories over the former and his eventual burial. A literal burial for one and a trip to ECW for the other, but you get the idea. Could be a fun one to actually bang out sometime.

Countdown is Full of Promise, Even After What Appears to be Six Months of Setup: Just kidding, it's totally a giant pile of boring held together with very dull staples.

How Could They Do That To The Trickster?: Probably meant ironically. By the way, if you're going to go to the trouble of rigging up crazy electric handcuffs that monitor lifesigns and blow up twenty-four hours after half their contents dies, why not, I don't know, rig them to explode if they go more than fifty yards from a guard? Or build a remote detonator? Or employ the world's greatest shot to track down two idiots attached to each other and hated by the entire superheroic community, assuming that they'd be riddled with bullets in under four or so months?

How the Hell Did Those Pirates Get to Neverland in the First Place?: Seriously, I can assume that the mermaids, pixies and even indians were indigenous, but did the pirates, like, sail there?

Jim Shooter - Underappreciated Marvel Editor-in-Chief: Some great stuff came out under his watch, and it'd be fun to compare and contrast the current regime with his.

Entire Pages of That Supergirl Showcase:
Oh my God, these old stories are so wacky.

What's the Deal with Airline Peanuts?: Who're they trying to keep outta these things?

A Guest Post by Forager of the New Gods: In the vein of those Martian Manhunter blogs I used to write. I think I had, like, a joke and a half in mind, but he was going to hate on Orion for being a bigot, wonder why Superman didn't ask what happens to the universe WHEN A GOD DIES? when he died way back in Cosmic Odyssey, and ironically question the fashion sense of the new Forager even though he had a lumpy bucket for a head.

Scans of Dudes, like, Totally Kicking Zombie Ninja Bears in their Faces or Something: Labeled something like "I HOPE YOU HAD YOUR FACES SET TO 'GET ROCKED OFF,' BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THAT PICTURE WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY."