Monday, June 04, 2007

Meanwhile, two hundred miles northwest of the Time Bandit

Transcript from the Justice League files:

[Trouble Alert sounds, transcription begins automatically.]

Batman: Batman here. What seems to be the... [picture clears, pause, audible sighing] Oh. It's you.Aquaman [on screen, trapped in commercial crab fishing pot]: Double damn it. I was hoping Wonder Woman would pick up.

Batman: You know she has her pottery class this afternoon. So, what happened? Legion of Doom convince you that a magic ruby made of genies was in there?

Aquaman: Shut up. That only happened once.

Batman: Well, you better have a good reason to be on this line - somebody might need me and Black Vulcan to rescue them from an elephant, or something.

Aquaman: Okay, so I'm swimming, right? And I figure I'll talk to some crabs. Because, like, I can? So I'm all "what's happening?" and they're like "your highness! Your highness! Look at this thing we found!"

Batman: Crabs call you "your highness"? You're bat-jiving me.

Aquaman: You can bat-blow me - I'm king of the damn ocean. At least crabs show me some respect.

Batman: My bat-syphilis calls me 'Bruce.'

Aquaman: Anyway, the crabs, they were, like, freaking out about this thing they found, so I figured, what the Hell, there's no crime down here, I'll go check it out. Next thing I know, I'm in a big cage with some chopped-up cod bits.

Batman: You know, up until you called, I thought the Trouble Alert call I'd ignore the hardest was the kid who wanted me to help him get the straw into his pouch of Capri Sun without jabbing a hole through the back.

Aquaman: Come on! You might need me later! What if Black Manta steals Mount Rushmore, or something? Only I can stop his insidious undersea iniquities!

Batman: [singing] La la la, I can't hear you.

[Transcription ends.]


Crowded House said...

I'm curious as to what would constitute bat-jiving, anyway. Would it be at all like jive talking, as the Bee Gees sang about? Or would it be more like juke and jive, or shuck and jive, or whatever the hell the basketball lingo is these days.

Thanks for brightening up my day, man. Knowing the Superfriends, they probably get, like, 3 or 4 Aquaman Trobule Alert calls a day.

Scipio said...

"My bat-syphilis calls me 'Bruce.'"

So does Brad Meltzer.

This post brings new meaning to that great Batman quote:

"Step away from the lobster trap!"

Anonymous said...

Stop making me laugh out loud at work! People are beinning to talk!!!