Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Aquaman has another bad day.

Transcript from the Justice League files:

[Trouble Alert sounds, transcription begins automatically.]

Flash: Hi, thanks for calling the Justice League. Your call may be monitored for quality control purposes. My name is The Flash, how can I make your emergency less life-threatening?

Aquaman: Sweet, I knew Batman wasn't on duty this afternoon.

Flash: Oh, hey, Aquaman. What're you trapped in today?

Aquaman: Well, see, funny story, there. Some krill told me that this whale was being all people-eaty, so I figured I'd investigate. Turns out he's, like, some kind of monster whale, and he... well...

Flash: Our connection sucks right now - I'm not getting any picture. Why don't you just cut to the chase and tell me where you're tied up and I'll run down there?

Aquaman: Yeah, see, I'm inside the whale.

Flash: He ate you?

Aquaman: Well, yeah. I put up a Hell of a fight, though. You should've seen it - I had this octopus holding sawfish like swords and stabbing at him, but this whale, man, Jesus, I'm telling you, nothing was stopping him.

Flash: You're, like, literally the only person I know who could've just asked the whale to not eat you.

Aquaman: Dude, I know, but maybe he's got a different king? Maybe he worships Satan? All I know is that me going "hey, don't eat me" turned into "orange shirts are delicious, chow down," and here I freaking am.Flash: Oh, wow, there's some serious stuff inside that whale.

Aquaman: Tell me about it. Lucky thing he ate a Trouble Alert phone, or I'd be digested for sure.

Flash: What's that noise?

Aquaman: What, the accordion? Yeah, there's an old guy and a living puppet dancing around on a shipwreck back there. This place sucks beyond all reckoning, you don't even understand.

Flash: I was a living puppet once. Sad when the day you get turned into a marionette isn't even close to being the weirdest day of your life.

Aquaman: Tell me about it.

Flash: Hey, Superman, get a load of this.

Aquaman: Here it comes.

Superman: Hah hah, did Aquaman get eaten by a giant whale? That's like if Batman hit himself in the face with a batarang, or something.


Crowded House said...

Oh god. Your last two posts have made me laugh harder than I have in quite some time. I'm actually crying right now, I really am. Thank you so much for this.

Scipio said...

That's okay, Aquaman; everyone makes a critical miss now and then.

Jon Hex said...