Sunday, July 02, 2006

Ridiculous Ways To Die, Part the Third

Since death in a comic book is so impermanent, characters tend to have to shuffle off this mortal coil in amazingly over-the-top fashion just to make their probably-soon-to-be-undone death memorable and meaningful, if fleetingly.

Dracula's died probably more often than any fictional character ever. Hell, he's dead to begin with. Being dead is right in his wheelhouse. He's gotten his head cut off, he's been burned, he's been left in the sun, magicked to bits, staked - you name your favorite vampiric cause of death, he's had it happen to him in his long career in the public domain.

But when he died in Planetary, he died ridiculously.

A young Elijah Snow has just found an aged Sherlock Holmes. The latter is apparently a member of a worldwide conspiracy boasting the detective, the Invisible Man, Doctor Frankenstein and a few others as members.

Oh, and Dracula. Him, too. He's hiding in the shadows of Holmes' office, waiting in the wings for Snow's arrival. Now would be an opportune moment to point out that Snow's power is temperature manipulation. He's pretty much a low-key Iceman - not to say that Iceman's more powerful, or anything, it's just that Snow's less flashy about it.See, if Iceman'd done that, by virtue of his extensive self-narration training at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, he couldn't've resisted the temptation to explain what he was doing aloud as it happened. This kind of stunt would involve the focused totality of his powers, and Dracula would be frozen, body and soul.

But freezing vampires isn't on the list of many, many things that off the horrible bloodsuckers, no. Killing Dracula requires a bit more work.My God, he kicked the man's crotch off his body. So hard that it broke the panel. But, yeah, that won't kill Dracula, either.That'll do it, though.

What makes this one ridiculous is the convergence of factors - Dracula can die headless and no one'll bat an eye, that happens all the time, but headless and crotchless ratchets things up a notch. Headless, crotchless and frozen in Sherlock Holmes' office is the kind of death coroners tell their grandkids about.

1 comment:

Ragnell said...

Second Ellis one in a row. :)