Monday, April 03, 2006

Favorite Villains: A One-Man Foursome

I love villains armed with the exact same powers as the guys they're supposed to fight. Cat Man was Batman with feline-theming and an inefficient space in the middle of his name. Professor Zoom could run just as fast as the Flash, but was also evil. Daredevil should fight more blind people, so when he does that stupid trick where he bounces a billy club off of forty surfaces to kill the lights and put the Assorted Thugs "in [his] element" so they're "just as blind as [he] [is]" they can laugh at his internal monologue and punch him in the face. And then say something like "bet'cha didn't see that coming."

The Super Skrull has all the powers of the Fantastic Four. The Skrull, having been unceremoniously defeated (and seen some of their number turned into cows because Reed Richards is a total dick) at the hands of the FF in one of the team's first outings, decided to bring a gun to a knife fight when they next attempted to take over the earth. They built a wacky Kirby machine that gave one Skrull the ability to turn invisible, burst into flames, fly and be all orange and rocky. Oh, and for some reason he could also hypnotize people. That's like a blender that mixes, grates, purees and travels time.

I'm convinced that the Skrull equivalent of a Bar Mitzvah is being sent to earth to have the crap kicked out of you by the Fantastic Four. You aren't a man until take a stretchy fist to the head. Other Skrulls then hoist you up on a chair and dance around underneath you while a Skrull cover band plays old Skrull standards.

Kl'rt, being the only Skrull the power-beaming device worked on (at that point, anyway), took the plunge into Skrull adulthood and headed to earth, at which time he was beaten by the FF and left on a Pacific Island, powerless. Eventually, his powers came back so he could lose fights to Spider-Man and both Ms and Captain Marvel. He worked for Thanos for a while, probably because they have pretty much the same head. Recently, he was defeated by a group of children over in Young Avengers. Well, children and the damn Kree, but still.

Sure, he's won maybe two fights in forty years, but he's still cool as Hell, as far as I'm concerned.

1 comment:

thedeadpenguin said...

Two, two, TWO Super-Skrulls for the price of one post :) 'Cept I can't draw flames for shit.