Thursday, September 29, 2005

Well, it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift, the baffled king composing This Week's Reviewejah.

My other pullbox is like a time machine into last week!

Ultimate Fantastic Four Annual #1: Jae Lee gets to draw the Inhumans again, and Marvel runs out of black ink with which to fill in the ridiculous amount of shadows the man tosses about. If you're curious, the Ultimate Inhumans are pretty much the Normal Inhumans, except Gorgon's a girl, Medusa's hair is made of snakes, and Black Bolt wears a dress, for some reason. I still like the Ultimate FF better when Ellis handles them.

Ultimate Fantastic Four #23: How in the Hell did Vision end up a zombie? Cat's a machine, for God's sake, but he's chillin' on a full-page splash of Giant Man threatening to eat some girls. Sue Storm uses her powers in two creative ways, which I'm certain is a first since the freakin' sixties or so. Seriously, though: the population of this earth, so far as we know, is like three people and Magneto. Somehow, the zombies got to Vision, who is not only a robot, but also able to turn intangible. Magneto can create utterly inexplicably forcefields from time to time, sure, but how many times has, say, Wolverine managed to rush him and cut his ass with claws? And that's a guy that's full of metal. I like that I can suspend disbelief on parallel earths, zombie superheroes and Sue Storm's ability to see while invisible but Magneto avoiding zombiedom is where I draw the line. I love knowing exactly where that line is at all times.

Batman #645: A retrospective on the career of Jason Todd. If you don't feel like reading it, find any comic where Jason Todd is mentioned. He was a troubled youth! Batman took a shine to him when he stole his tire! (Which is really, really stupid!) He occasionally indulged in a little of the ol' ultraviolence! He was thought to be dead! Now he wears a silly hat, but has pants, so he sort of traded up, costume-wise!

Doesn't Batman have a giant exploding Rock of Eternity to worry about? Can we get over the dead Robins? Please?

Flash #226: Gah. Man, that read like it should've been a ten page story stuck in the back of an eighty-page giant. Total fill-in issue, but if you'd like to see what happens when Wally West takes a crack at mountain climbing, go nuts; you've found an outlet for your sick fetish.

Ultimates 2 #8: Hey, maybe Hawkeye's alive. Also, now I feel kind of dumb for predicting that the Ultimate Reserves would serve no purpose other than getting eaten by whatever kind of giant space spore Warren Ellis decides Galactus ought to be. Turns out they're still cannon fodder, but they got used earlier than I thought. Plus, now that I think about it, the stuff in the Ultimates right now happens after Galactus shows up, so the whole point is moot, thanks to the vagaries of continuity between books (you'd think the continuity of, what, five whole books would be easier to keep straight, wouldn't you?). Cover totally blows the contents, but it's a million times better than the X-Men Pin-Ups in Lieu of Covers Ultimate X-Men's had for, oh, every single issue.

I'm certain this ends in Ultimate Red Skull, though.


Phobophobe said...

Did you bother to pick up Ultimate Secret? Is it just me, or if you cut out all the Ellisoid characters slapping each other on the ass, would that comic not be a page and a half long?

Jon said...

Oh, nothing happened in it, I know. Still, it was fun to read. Plus, I think less happened in Vigilante, and that was a first issue.

Ragnell said...

I'd just like to say, I love the title to your review column this time.