Thursday, September 15, 2005

I said "Pigpen, this here's This Week's Reviews, we just ain't a-gonna pay no tolls."

My Ex Machina trade didn't come in, I think chiefly because God said "Jon skipped church this week. Make him buy Rann/Thanagar and All-Star Batman as penance." But I got the second JLA trade, in an effort to get all my Morrison-era JLA issues replaced by sturdier paperbacks. So that's a win, I guess. As for the rest...

Rann/Thanagar War #5: The list of largely inconsequential dead characters grows longer by one. Blackfire apparently learned to fly at some point, because she does it again this issue. I can't even raise the sufficient ire to complain about how boring this one was; that's exactly how boring it was.

These are planets that have either died or disappeared or whatever a bunch of times now. It's like killing Magneto, at this point. Blowing up a planet in the DC Universe has lost all meaning to me.

All-Star Batman and Robin #2: Wow, I'm done with this one. Miller seems to have decided that the way to make Batman new and exciting is to make him an insufferable asshole who manages to blow up a whole bunch of police officers. I mean, sure, he's pretty much an insufferable asshole in the mainstream DC books, but at least he isn't lighting cops aflame with jetwash. He may be aristocratic and paranoid and standoffish, but at least he isn't repeating himself constantly (honestly, he says things that were just covered in his internal monologue aloud, like he was that profoundly irritating Batzarro from right around when I gave up on Superman/Batman).

Calling his life "Hell. Or the next best thing" wasn't that clever the first time, but saying that he was going to introduce Dick Grayson to "Holy Hell. Holy Hell or the next best thing" a page later just grates. And that isn't even mentioning the couple of pages where a shocky Vicki Vale recaps the last issue for Alfred and manages to say "brutal" or "brutally" a dozen or so times.

Oh, and the Batmobile is more or less Doctor Claw's car from Inspector Gadget, turning into a plane halfway through the issue.

Action Comics #831: Gail Simone channels the old Marvel narrators that talked to you for the b-plot of this one, which is kind of amusing, though her Hunter Zolomon quickly devolves into an out-of-character quipster when left to deal with Bizarro. At some point since #828, John Bryne decided that Jimmy Olsen is eleven years old, and draws him as such this issue.

Black Adam's pretty much the only character I still like in this whole mess, and that's... well, it's more unexpected than anything.

Apparently, next month's issue sees Spectre going after Satanus, who no one has even thought of in quite a while, but Black Adam's still flying under his radar. Thank God they have Spectre around to prevent copyrights from lapsing by digging up long-forgotten characters for panel time. Between him and the crowd shots in Villains United, it's like doing a Where's Waldo where I'm looking for, say, Phobia.

JLA #118: Hawkman, while apparently possessing the power to appear in two places at once, lacks basic pattern recognition skills and decides that mind-wiping the extremely unconscious Secret Society of Super-Villains is the way to go ('course, he also managed to not see a painfully obvious double-cross coming over in Rann/Thanagar. Oh, well). Aquaman... fights Despero. Also, he wears a glove over that stupid water-hand. I don't know who Despero's working for (I can't see him and Luthor being on particularly good terms after Virtue and Vice), and if he's just flying solo, it's really weirdly coincidental that he picked now to sic the SSOSV on the JLA. Eh, it's probably Johnny Sorrow, just so the JSA has something to do.

Ultimate X-Men #63: Ah, a Cyclops/Havok fight. The logic that goes into thinking that because they are brothers their powers do not hurt each other is so amusing. On what level does that make any sense at all?

The slow-developing "Colossus is gay" subplot continues to entertain. Everybody seems to be on to it, and I didn't even have to suffer through a "THIS MAKES ME EXTRA-DIFFERENT!" Very Special Issue, thank God.

I'd've never thought that I'd ever like Longshot in any story, but the Ultimate version's pretty neat.

Ah, well, this one's an action movie. I don't expect much from it, and it's usually pretty good. Plus, it's by far the most entertaining read I had this week.

I had to break down and add "Thanagar" to my spellcheck, by the way. That thing must think I'm such a nerd.

1 comment:

Flint Paper said...

The reason I always thought that Cyclops and Havok can't hurt each other with their powers is because their powers more-or-less fuel each other's. Havok processes cosmic radiation and releases it as plasma. Cyclops processes solar radation and releases it as concussive force. So Havok's plasma is acting like a tiny sun and just making Cyclops's eyebeams that much stronger, and my theory breaks down a little bit here as it tries to claim that the eyeblast is basically undifferentiated cosmic radiation and gets absorbed by Havok's body.
It made more sense when I was thirteen.